The coalition forces in Iraq are fighting a deadly enemy and are doing a spectacular job. But it seems that now there is a new monster to fight: giant badgers.

The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a new fear — a giant badger stalking the streets by night.

Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel rumors of a bear-like monster that eats humans and was allegedly released into the area by British forces to spread panic.

A bear-sized badger? And the Brits are bringing these beasties into the country? Man, I’m glad they didn’t use badgers of mass destruction in the Revolutionary War. We might still be drinking heavily taxed tea.

Both the scientists and the soldiers agree that the badger ought not to be a danger to humans, but so far they have failed to reassure the populace.

“I was sleeping at night when this strange animal hit me on my head. I have not seen such an animal before. My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer,” said Suad Hassan, a 30-year-old housewife.

“It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey. It runs so quickly.”

Are there any Mexican troops in Iraq? Just saying, there are a lot of goats over there.

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